Is that really you, or just your sock puppet?
Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 10:43PM 
I recently wrote a post titled "Whole People make Whole Organizations" which got a fair amount of traffic and generated conversation with some readers including Nilofer Merchant (who I am a fan of), and she pointed me towards some of her wonderful thoughts on the topic. (P.S. She also has a webinar coming up that I would highly, highly, highly recommend. Smart, smart cookie Nilofer Merchant.)
In the meantime, I have continued to think about whole people and about what gets in the way of people being whole at work.
Interesting thing, the human being around other human beings.
There is a very paradoxical nature to our social identities. On one level we are each a unique, one of a kind, never before and never again being. On another level, there are groups of people that we have various things in common with, groups that we share a culture with. We all belong to a number of social groups which can be based on political or religious affiliation, age or gender, race or geography, profession, place of employment and any number of other things. And on yet another level, we are all alike. We are all human beings spinning on a rock through space and at the end of the day we want the same basic things from life…a little love, a little health, a little happiness, etc.
Our identities also are very fluid and contextual…none of us is a static unchanging thing, we are different in different situations and with different people. I am a slightly different person in my relationship with our 2 year old daughter than I am in my relationship with our 9 year old daughter. I am a slightly different person in my relationship with my wife than I am in my relationship with my mother. I am often a different person on Monday morning than I am on Friday afternoon, and I tend to be a little different on vacation than when I am hard at work.
Many, many, many things influence our identities and how much of ourselves we share and contribute in a given situation. A certain amount of fluctuation is normal, but we need to take care to make sure that we are not compromising ourself to better fit in.
How much of yourself do you take to work?
Do your employees bring their whole selves to work? What parts do you think they leave at home and why?
Questions rarely asked, but I believe they are of great significance, especially considering the way that we create value today.
Conformity can be a beast. Social pressure can be relentless. An organizations culture can be big and powerful and like the waves of the ocean can pound away at your odd and your original until you are dressing, acting, talking and thinking (or not thinking) just like everyone else. Gradually, day by day, organizational culture can very easily erode what is uniquely you. One size fits all, one practice works for all, and we tell a great violent lie by not telling our individual truths.
We end up being inauthentic at work involved in inauthentic relationships and we do one dimensional work that could be done by anyone. Rather than show up at work as who we truly are and take up that space, we send our sock puppet to represent us. Rather than showing up with our hearts, minds and souls we send a fictional character that is based on what we think the organization wants and values to work in our place. A sock puppet among sock puppets.
There are times when we are amazed at the lack of common sense applied by employees in responding to a particular situation, but we have overlooked that the typical organization makes little room for common sense. Truth being determined by title is not common sense. Hierarchy is not common sense. Policies over people and numbers over values are not common sense. Orgnizational politics are not common sense.
And all of this stands in the way of people bringing their whole selves to work.
We all need to do more flying of the freak flag.
Do you take your freak flag to work wtih you?
Do you share what is uniquely you at work?
Do you encourage others to share what is unique to them at work?
Do you make room for difference and self-expression at work?
Or does your sock puppet go to work for you?
We have to take up our space...it will not be given to us, that is simply not how most social groups work.
Be good to each other.
Reader Comments (23)
boy, does this speak to me! when i left a truly wonderful organization (though one where only a dockers mindset was recognized) and set up my own shop, i felt a coming back to me. my sense of humor returned, my sleep settled, my creativity sparked, and my relationships deepened. looking back from where i am now, i can see how much of my freak flag was squelched.
it's like watching a baby in your house grow up -- the changes can be so subtle, you don't notice it until someone visits and points out how big they've grown. the replacement of our freak flag with our sock puppet is so slow over time, we fail to see it. i'm hopeful that the rise of the homepreneur/entrepreneur and the influx of generations less prone to submerge all for a certain job will alter this process and awaken the rest of us to it.
thanks for your thoughtful pieces,
f
"Gradually, day by day, organizational culture can very easily erode what is uniquely you."
The wonderfully wise Jerry Weinberg alludes to this when discussing the difficulty of consulting for large organizations in his classic book, published in 1985: The Secrets of Consulting. He calls it Prescott's Pickle Principle: If you stay in the brine long enough, you become a pickle.
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