I almost never got anything that I needed to improve on.

The first couple of times this happened, it was a nice little boost to my ego.  I wanted to do well and I wanted to help this team of people do well, so being told that there was nothing I could improve on was a pleasant fantasy to say the least.  And a dangerous one.

I have been thinking a lot about what courage and bravery look like at work.  It seems that we all know what is wrong, but we always think that the solution lies with someone else; ”if only the boss..”, “if only the leadership team…”, “if only HR…”, etc.

I think that the way we change the culture of our organizations and our communities has much more to do with our own individual courage than it does with the actions of the CEO or the policy of human resources.

Is there evidence of your courage?

Dissent can be very valuable in organizations and every organization sends a lot of explicit and implicit messages about whether dissent is valued or not.  Conformity is a powerful, powerful thing without throwing organizational politics into the mix.  Do you value dissent?  If so, you should see some from time to time.  If you do not truly value it, you probably will not see it…even if you say you value it.  My story was not even about dissent, but simply getting some basic feedback from people that reported to me.  We all have room for improvement, but I had clearly not created an environment where employees felt comfortable providing honest and candid feedback. 

Seeking out honest feedback, supporting dissent both require courage.  They can often feel like personal attacks, and if we do not have courage and if we lose sight of how valuable these things are we will likely not benefit from them and we will make them less likely to happen in the future.

Is there evidence of your courage?

Be good to each other.

I believe that the defining issue of our time is that we suffer greatly from an absence of leadership.  We have bookstores full of books about leadership.  We have plenty of people who consider themselves to be leaders.  We have plenty of people writing, speaking and shouting about leadership.  What we do not have, in my humble opinion, is a way of leadership that produces the results we are deserving of. 

I am not talking about having the wrong people as leaders.  I have come to believe that within our current framework “who is in charge” is increasingly irrelevant and part of an increasingly dishonest, high-stakes shell game.  I am talking here about our way of leadership…something very different than who our "leaders" are.

I believe that we need new language, new archetypes and new expectations of leadership.  I believe that we need to embrace leadership as a shared behavior rather than an individual title…and maybe we need to go so far as to replace the word leadership. 

I was scanning through an old journal and came across a phrase from Chogyam Trungpa that I like a lot:

"Warriorship…does not refer to making war on others.  Aggression is the source of our problems, not the solution.  Warriorship is the tradition of human bravery…the tradition of fearlessness."

The tradition of human bravery.

I very much like this definition of warriorship as I think that bravery is part of what is missing from leadership today.  I think that real bravery is a fairly rare commodity…especially in the workplace.  Most of us know what is wrong.  Most of us know what is dishonest and wasteful and shady.  But we often do not do anything about it.  We complain and point fingers and we know who should do something about it, but we do nothing.

So maybe we stop talking about leadership and start talking about warriorship?

I think that it might be bravery that will save our organizations and communities.  ROI is not going to save business, nor is picking the right consultant or the perfect metric, or the wiz, bang and flash of web 2.0…or web 3.0.

That stuff does not even matter if the foundation is not real.

It does not require any bravery to make decisions based on numbers, projections or profits…in fact profit, ROI and market expectations too often provide a safe alibi for not being brave.

I am not talking about the proud, boastful, self promotional desperation that we too often confuse for bravery or leadership.

I am talking about something very different, something that does not lead to personal celebrity, but rather a way of being that supports groups of people (organizations and communities) in consistently delivering on the promises that they make and functioning in a sustainable way.

This has nothing to do with title or being “in charge” of anything.  I would actually suggest that the bigger your title, the greater the repercussions for actually exhibiting any bravery are.

I am going to spend some more time considering the concept of warriorship, but here are some things that come to mind as I think about what human bravery looks like at work.

Choosing Ecology rather than Ideology

It takes bravery (and I think some emotional and social intelligence) to embrace equifinality and appreciate the fact that there can be many different ways to get to a specific outcome.  I think that when we understand this we can invest our efforts in ecology rather than the support, promotion and defense of our own personal ideology.  We can invest in relationships, dialogue and organizational culture…nurturing networks of value that are capable of generating rich questions and new ideas, with the capacity to functionally consider a robust field of options.

Choosing Inquiry rather than Advocacy

It takes bravery to embrace curiosity and to be willing to let go of what we know for the opportunity to learn something new.  It takes bravery to admit we do not have all the answers (how absurd up is that?).  It takes bravery to participate in collective inquiry rather than being the one with the answer.  If we are able to assume the stance of pursuing the right questions rather than having the right answers we can open up entire new possibilities.  Questions are to groups of people much like sunlight is to plants…they can determine the direction of our growth.  If we are not asking some big questions we are probably not growing.

Choosing Power With rather than Power Over

It takes bravery to share power.  Power comes in a lot of different shapes, sizes and colors…but regardless of where our power comes from it is easier to keep it all to ourselves than it is to share it.  Regardless of our role in the world, I would suggest that we are doing very little if we are not diffusing power…putting more decision making in the hands of more individuals.  We have to kick the habit of assuming that we know best and are capable of making decisions for other people. 

Choosing to be an Architect of the Future rather than a Critic of the Present

It takes bravery to take responsibility.  It is so much easier and safer to find fault elsewhere.  It is so natural for us to look at those in privileged positions and expect them to fix what needs fixing.  Every second we spend doing this is a second wasted in denial of our own power and of the choices that we have before us.  We cannot control outcomes.  In our relationships and in the culture of our organizations, there are many variables in play which we have not control over.  What we can control is our contribution to those relationships and cultures.

And in closing...

I think that this topic is resonating with me because of the nature of my work.  Most of the consulting, speaking and writing that I do is related to issues of Diversity and Inclusion.  My Diversity and Inclusion work is not about being tolerant or compliant…it is about having whole and generative relationships with other human beings, and I think that this work is woven through with the tradition of human bravery.

If you take it down to its roots, my work is about being who you truly are, leaning into who you truly aspire to be and truly knowing other human beings.  Each of these things requires bravery.  It requires that we choose to be warriors.  We have been developing, promoting and celebrating pirates for far too long. 

Our time may just be the time for warriors...for the return of human bravery to the workplace.

Be good to each other.

JOE: We both talk about a new way of leadership in our work...for you, what are some examples of what that actually looks like?

MARY:  Great question.  I’m into lists this week, so what I’ve crafted is, “Mary’s Seven Ways to Be a New Leader to Your Employees”

1. Make decisions as if people matter.  Biz doesn’t exist in a vacuum.  How do you think all this stuff happens?  Your computers or lab equipment don’t care if you hit quarterly goals.  You might as well leverage your resources you have who might give a darn (i.e. Humans).  BTW, you do that by meeting basic Human needs at work.  Ignore - at your own peril - the fact that you have Human beings as your employees.
2. Talk to your employees as if they matter.  Try to keep in mind what it is like to be an employee, because after all, even if you are a manager, you ARE STILL an employee too.  Think about what ‘ees would be concerned with and show them you considered them in your thought process.
3. Be impeccable with your word.  (Thank you Don Miguel Ruiz).  If you say you are going to do something, large or small, do it.  Your employees are watching.  They WANT to trust you.  Give them a reason to.  It helps to tell them when you are following up on something you promised, e.g. “I’m doing this thing as a result of our talk last week.” 
4. Talk to people like a Human being.  People can see through stalling and spin.  If you can’t discuss a matter, say so.  Anticipate questions from your ‘ees point of view, and practice.  You may have to work with your response for a while to ensure it’s authentic, sincere and respectful of their intelligence.  Don’t shortchange this.  (If you have any more questions on this, see point 1.)
5. Care about them understanding what you’re telling them. “The meaning of the communication is the response it elicits” (NLP – Yes, I’m studying NLP right now…). Why do we think we’ve communicated when we drop people an email?  And asking,  “Do you understand” is fruitless.  Who wants to look like a nincompoop by saying “no?”  Or how do you know they understand the way you need them to?  Ask them what they heard you say, or what they are going to do based on what you said, to test understanding.
6. Get over yourself and be open to what works. “Leading is changing your behaviors so the other person follows.”  We wouldn’t put water in our car when it needs oil, and expect it to perform.  Why do we disdain and resist what Humans at work need?  (examples: appreciation, belonging, contribution and meaning)  Using this knowledge doesn’t require a makeover, so find what adjustments would work for you and your people both – so that they will WANT to work with you.
7. Consider that Human employees are good for business.  Meeting the Human needs of your employees may actually result in a better outcome for the business.  I can’t underline enough the value of Human discretionary energy.  This is what makes the impossible happen.
   

As a society, we have come to a point where people too often treat one another as objects and opportunities, rather than as fellow human beings.  Respecting one another as individuals, or not doing so, seriously impacts the future, for all of us.

- Gail Purcell Elliott

One day our society and the world will grow and prosper in a whole new way because each employee does their work from a place of knowing they play a legitimate role and truly make a difference.   My wish is that one day we all embrace the belief that there is an inestimable power and potential in Human beings treating each other Humanly.

Be good to each other!

-Parker Palmer

But I am reminded from time to time that thinking about what our organizations and communities could be and should be in the future is often a very different thing than figuring out how to get there.  I think that there are a lot of different answers regarding how to get there, and that answers have to be organic and personal to stand any real chance.  But I do think that there is at least one common thread.

Courage is required.

I have written and spoken several times over the past couple of years about our way of leadership as a significant part of the problem we face today.  Part of what is missing from our way of leadership is courage.  Not only is it missing…it is not generally allowed today.

We have more access to more information than ever before.  We have greater and more powerful technology than ever before.  Yet we continue to find ourselves in very serious predicaments that are largely if not completely avoidable.  Look at our national debt.  Look at our current financial circumstances.  Look at what has recently happened at Toyota.

In all of these situations there were people with great power who knew that things were heading in the wrong direction, yet took no action until things had reached the point of crisis.  It does not take great courage to respond to a crisis.  When you are in an executive role, you are expected and required to respond.

What does take courage is avoiding a crisis. 

Stepping up to take on short-term pain when core values require it takes courage.  It requires courage because in the world of business you can almost always find justification for not doing it…and there is usually some personal risk involved.

This topic has been bouncing around in my big empty head lately, thanks to these recent posts from Jamie Notter: Paying the Price for Truth, and The Truth About Change.  The ongoing conversation that he has been facilitating has reminded me of a line I heard somewhere; “we get the leaders that we tolerate”…and I think that this is often true.  It also reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

"Lying is done with words and also with silence."

-Adrienne Rich

So.

What is important to you?  Are you tolerating less than that in your place of work...in your leadership, your peers, yourself?

What are we willing to do to raise the bar?  What are we willing to risk for what we claim to stand for and what will we do to support one another?

Be good to each other.

A couple of things have been bouncing around in the empty space between my ears:

1. This post from my virtual twin brother Jamie Notter.  Not just because he is my virtual twin brother, and not just because I get quoted in the post...I think there is a lot to this topic of Paying the Price for Truth...or anything that we truly believe in.
2. The idea of bearing witness.  I am part of a learning circle that came together about 3 months ago to read some books and have some dialogue about community...one of the things that we talked about this weekend was the power of bearing witness, and how we often overlook this as a tool of change.

I have written here (and will continue to) about a new way of leadership...new language and new archetypes and a new understanding of what leadership means.  I think that a piece of this puzzle involves the practice of bearing witness.

The people at the top of the pyramids that constitute our organizations and institutions often make decisions based on facts and information.  Facts and information are what I refer to as truth with a little "t".  They are important sure, but not nearly as important as we make them out to be...facts, figures, data sets and information are very limited and one-dimensional.  And contextual. And often illusory. And whatever issue you and I decide to discuss, we each get to choose our own facts.

Look at politics.  Republicans on one side of the issue (pick any issue), and Democrats on the other side of the issue.  Each with a mountain of facts to prove their point.

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

-Disraeli

Facts are important and we should seek facts, but they are not more important that actual feelings.  Feelings, emotions and beliefs are Truth, with a capital "T." 

The problem is that those that are making decisions about strategy, priorities and the allocation of resources often do not truly understand how employees, clients, patients, students and neighbors actually feel about those things.  And in the absence of the Truth, they rely on the truth.

And you see where that has gotten us.

Enter the practice of bearing witness.  Do you think that schools might be in some way different if senior administrators sat down and actually listened to teachers and students and parents tell their story?  ...if they actually shut their mouths and without explaining or spinning or downplaying listened?  Do you think there are any businesses that might make different decisions if senior executives and board members sat down, shut up and listened to the stories of clients and employees?

The Truth lives between us and it beats the truth every day of the week, but it can only comes alive and dance for us when we are in a relationship of equals. 

Be good to each other.